Do You Dialogue?

What is dialogue?  A dictionary definition of dialogue is “seeking mutual understanding and harmony”.  A thesaurus notes synonyms for dialogue as “argument, back-and-forth, conversation, debate, deliberation, discussion, and talk”.  While the definition seems clear, there could be confusion as to some of the synonyms.

If the point of dialogue to seek mutual understanding and harmony as a result of the interaction, the same can not always be said about the synonyms argument, conversation, debate, etc. The world is full of interactions.  Sometimes in those interactions people are just talking.  In others, there is a conversation.  And in others, there is dialogue.   Talking involves basic exchange of words and phrases not always tied to an intended outcome.  A conversation compounds upon talk and involves an informal oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas between two or more people.  It becomes a dialogue when two or more people become more formally invested in the interaction; understanding not only what needs to be said, but also understanding and honoring the other participants’ needs, values, and convictions.

Generally speaking, simple talking does not incite a movement. Basic conversation does not spark innovation. It is dialogue that is truly impactful and creates transformational and lasting change.   Here are a few things to keep in mind when you desire meaningful dialogue.

15 Strategies for Meaningful Dialogue

1.     Err on the side of including people who disagree.

2.     Initiate dialogue through a sense of empathy.

3.     Ensure a presence of equality, empathetic listening, and surfacing assumptions nonjudgmentally.

4.     Minimize the level of mistrust before pursuing practical objectives.

5.     Keep dialogue and decision making compartmentalized.

6.     Focus on common interests, not divisive ones.

7.     Use specific cases and data to raise general issues.

8.     Bring forth your own assumptions before speculating on those of others.

9.     Clarify assumptions that lead to subculture distortions.

10. Identify mistrust as the real source of misunderstandings.

11. Expose old scripts to a reality check.

12. Focus on conflicts between value systems, not people.

13. Be sure trust and rapport exits before addressing transference distortions.

14. Express the emotions that accompany strongly held values.

15. Encourage relationships in order to humanize transactions.

Strategies adapted from Daniel Yankelovich, 1999.